Tag Archives: Shame

Ep99 Dividers and Uniters

April 3, 2024UncategorizedAnger, Catholic Church, Christ, Coeur D’Alene Idaho, Communal Prayers, Division, God, Hatred, Holy Communion, Holy Eucharist, Injustice, Insecurity, Jesus, Lord’s Prayer, Love, Narcissism, Pharisees, Prayer of St. Michael, Priestly Prayers, Satan, Self-Esteem, Shame, Sign of the Cross, Social Capital, Sun Valley Idahowrestlingwithgodshow

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:02 — 41.2MB)

Father Len grapples with the causes, effects and solutions to the anger and division present in our country, our churches, and our families.

Support Wrestling with God Productions: https://www.GiveSendGo.com/WWGProductions

Highlights, Ideas, and Wisdom

Dividers are often inspired and motivated by their own psychological needs.
Dividers are judgmental.
People with a deep desire for division make up their own rules and condemn others for not following their made-up rules.
In the Bible, the Pharisees made up hundreds and hundreds of rules. They condemn Jesus and others for not following the rules they made up. They love to proclaim how much more religious and holy they are than everyone else.
People who seek division are the enemies of Christ and true religion.
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks
Father Len shares the story of a guy who lived much of his life as a divider though he was very religious. His sense of religion was very legalistic and judgmental, critical of everybody. Remarkably and unconsciously, at the age of 50, he experiences a remarkable deep conversion to his faith and becomes a disciple of love with a desire to unite everyone.
Some people accidentally and unconsciously end up working for division in a community out of their own sense of anger, insecurity, or pain.
Division or unity is a fundamental choice. At some point in life, we must decide between division and unity, hatred and love.
Father Len tells the story of a woman who experienced an awful childhood of rape and incest, yet she devotes her life to helping the wounded and broken of the world to reject shame, heal their souls and feel loved.
It’s not what happens to you in life that matters. It’s how you react to what happens that matters.
Saint Paul warned people to keep away from those who cause division and put obstacles in their way because they don’t serve the Lord.
Satan loves division. Satan loves to dress up as something good, but the only fruits he offers are not good, just more division.
Bowling Alone: Revised and Updated: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert Putnam
Social capital is a sense of unity and solidarity, the need to take care of others and build up an entire community or nation.
The United States was built on and succeeded because of social capital.
Division is where injustice and hatred grow.
Higher social capital tracks with more justice, more societal success, and more happiness.
Societies that are more narcissistic, about me, me, me, are less happy and have more crime, corruption, and injustice.
Social capital is connected with holiness.
“Let’s move away from the current plague in our country and our church that we need to attack each other. We can build a great country and church with social solidarity. We can’t build anything putting each other down constantly.” – Father Len

We welcome your questions and comments:

Email: irish@wwgproductions.org
Text or voicemail: 208-391-3738

Links to More Podcasts from Wrestling with God Productions

Life Lessons from Jesus and the Church He Founded: http://LifeLessonsfromJesus.org
A Priest’s Life: https://idahovocations.com/resources/video-podcasts/

Ep92 Encore: The Myth of Self-Esteem

April 25, 2023UncategorizedAccomplishments, Bullying, California School, Commitments, Compassion, Compliments, Failure, Fake Self-Esteem, Praise, Religion, Responsibility, Self Compassion, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Shame, Social Comparisonwrestlingwithgodshow

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 23:43 — 21.7MB)

Father Len exposes the dangerous effects of trying to boost self-esteem with excessive or false praise and compliments.

Support Wrestling with God Productions: https://www.GiveSendGo.com/WWGProductions

Highlights, Ideas, and Wisdom.

“Self-esteem is like a four letter cuss word that when you say it you need to wash your mouth out” – Father Len
Father Len illustrates the negative effects of self-esteem by sharing the story of his encounter with a young man and his big dog during his quest to rid the church grounds of dog poop.
Our current culture promotes a competition to become the greatest victim.
Religion is about becoming a better person, not making you feel good about yourself.
Religion is about being in a relationship with God and others built upon the virtues of love, compassion, and justice.
People with self-compassion gain grit and determination and are more likely to pick themselves up after a failure and try again.
Attempts to boost self-esteem with excessive or false praise and compliments produces fake self-esteem that rejects critical or negative feedback capable of producing personal growth and success.
Fake self-esteem based solely on feelings of “I’m special and smart and beautiful and people love me” is fragile and produces social comparison and constant anxiety.
Kids become bullies to boost their own self-esteem.
Fake self-esteem prepares you to become a victim.
Real self-esteem based on achievements and making and keeping commitments is important for emotional and spiritual health.
Real self-esteem embraces failure and believes everyone can improve.

We welcome your questions and comments:

Email: irish@wwgproductions.org
Text or voicemail: 208-391-3738

Links to Podcasts from Wrestling with God Productions

Wrestling with God Show: http://WWGShow.com
Life Lessons from Jesus and the Church He Founded: http://LifeLessonsfromJesus.org
A Priest’s Life: https://idahovocations.com/resources/video-podcasts/

Ep67 The Myth of Self-Esteem

August 19, 2021UncategorizedAccomplishments, Bullying, Commitments, Compassion, Failure, Lake Coeur d’Alene, Religion, Responsibility, Self Compassion, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Shame, Social Comparisonwrestlingwithgodshow

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 22:22 — 20.5MB)

Father Len exposes the dangerous effects of trying to boost self-esteem with excessive or false praise and compliments.

Support Wrestling with God Productions: https://www.GiveSendGo.com/WWGProductions

Highlights, Ideas, and Wisdom.

“Self-esteem is like a four-letter cuss word that when you say it you need to wash your mouth out” – Father Len
Father Len illustrates the negative effects of self-esteem by sharing the story of his encounter with a young man and his big dog during his quest to rid the church grounds of dog poop.
Our current culture promotes a competition to become the greatest victim.
Religion is about becoming a better person, not making you feel good about yourself.
Religion is about being in a relationship with God and others built upon the virtues of love, compassion, and justice.
People with self-compassion gain grit and determination and are more likely to pick themselves up after a failure and try again.
Attempts to boost self-esteem with excessive or false praise and compliments produces fake self-esteem that rejects critical or negative feedback capable of producing personal growth and success.
Fake self-esteem based solely on feelings of “I’m special and smart and beautiful and people love me” is fragile and produces social comparison and constant anxiety.
Kids become bullies to boost their own self-esteem.
Fake self-esteem prepares you to become a victim.
Real self-esteem based on achievements and making and keeping commitments is important for emotional and spiritual health.
Real self-esteem embraces failure and believes everyone can improve.

We welcome your questions and comments:

Email: irish@wwgproductions.org
Text or voicemail: 208-391-3738

Links to Podcasts from Wrestling with God Productions

Wrestling with God Show: http://WWGShow.com
Life Lessons from Jesus and the Church He Founded: http://LifeLessonsfromJesus.org
A Priest’s Life: https://idahovocations.com/resources/video-podcasts/

Ep66 Curing Shame

August 3, 2021UncategorizedAct of Contrition, Compassion, Confession, Determination, Gratitude, Grit, Guilt, Holy Spirit, Idaho, Jesus, Lake Coeur d’Alene, Liturgy of the Hours, Magnificat, Maya Angelou, Me Too Movement, Narcissist, Oprah Winfrey, Self Compassion, Self-Criticism, Shame, St Ignatius, Tarana Burke, The Shemawrestlingwithgodshow

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 29:38 — 27.1MB)

Father Len shares his favorite method for the difficult and necessary job of curing shame.

Highlights, Ideas, and Wisdom

Shame can control you and make your life and the lives of those around you miserable.
Shame is that voice inside your head that constantly tells you that you are worthless.
Self-esteem programs are not effective for curing shame.
You have to learn how to love yourself in order to cure shame.
The practice of self-compassion is the antidote to shame.
Father Len introduces his version of the St. Ignatius Daily Examen that he uses and recommends to cultivate self-compassion and conquer shame.
People who are controlled by shame are usually less compassionate.
People who are able to change the shaming voices in their heads are more likely to develop grit and determination and overcome failures.
Father Len demonstrates how he used the St. Ignatius Daily Examen to avoid shame and produce self-compassion and personal growth after being a “jerk” to a homeless man and his dog.
Father Len tells the story of Oprah Winfrey using a daily gratitude journal to help overcome the shame of being raped, having a child out of wedlock and to learn that it’s the simple things in life, not her money, that bring her joy.
“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by Maya Angelou
“What I Know for Sure” by Oprah Winfrey
You can pray as much as you want, but it will be hard to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit if the loud voices of shame are playing in your head.
Shame is connected with low grade physical pain.
If you are controlled by shame, every failure reminds you what a piece of trash you are.
If you are controlled by self-compassion, every failure says I’m going to get better and better.

Ep30 Guilt and Shame Are Not the Same

October 2, 2020UncategorizedBrené Brown, Catholic Church, Catholic Guilt, Guilt, Me Too Movement, Religion, Shame, Tarana Burkewrestlingwithgodshow

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 28:39 — 26.2MB)

Father Len explains why guilt is a good and shame is evil.

Highlights, Ideas, and Wisdom

Father Len reacts to the pain and suffering inflicted on Tarana Burke, founder of the “Me Too Movement,” by the shame she felt after being raped and sexually molested as a child.
Shame is evil because it mars the image of our being made in the image of God and crushes our self-worth.
Shame is dangerous and correlates to increased incidence of addiction, eating disorders depression, and suicide.
Guilt is about amending our behavior and increasing our self-worth.
Guilt is a tool for self-improvement; becoming more loving, more kind, more patient.
Shame is a tool of oppression, racism, and sexism.
Guilt is based on love and shame is based on evil.
Father Len shares a fun story about catching kids stealing dark chocolate from him to illustrate why guilt is good and guilt and shame are not the same.
Religion should be a force for inflicting guilt and healing shame.
Both guilt and shame make us feel bad, but for different reasons. Guilt makes us feel bad because we realize we could have done something better. Shame makes us feel bad because some horrific event causes us to define ourselves as trash.
Brené Brown’s podcast: “Unlocking Us”
Brené Brown’s TED Talk: “The Power of Vulnerability”
Shame loves to hide in the dark and doesn’t like being named. Privately and sadly, the lives of many people are controlled by shame.
Healing shame is not easy, but working through the process brings wisdom, compassion, and joy.
The Catholic Church is like a good mother who teaches her children guilt to help them grow and become better and more loving human beings.